you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
