I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm like, not good at living.
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