So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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