can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
