Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
