I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
