Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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