I smell stomach acid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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