I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
