took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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