Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cockslap morals
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
