I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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