if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
