did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
