You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
