Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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