I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
People in love make me want to vomit
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
