the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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