3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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