I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
