if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
