You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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