kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
