I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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