you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
