Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
