i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
