Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
