so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
