i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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