my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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