Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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