She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
