That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
