i love accidental penises.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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