I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
