you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
