Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
