Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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