Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
