Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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