My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
