waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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