It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
