I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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