Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
