Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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