i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
