i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
