He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
