He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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