What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I look better un-naked...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
