Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
