You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
